Now first off I would like to say I am not after a pity party. This is my blog and I love it as it is a place for me to air my feelings. If you’re not feeling comfortable reading about feelings please do scroll on by.
I know some people are going through so much more than me and I do feel like I have no reason to feel this way, however:
I feel sad
I am tired
I have no way of making these feelings go away that I know of.
I am feeling like nothing I do actually makes a difference ……….. and in fairness I feel misunderstood by some.
A single fleeting word from another can leave me floundering on the floor like a harpooned whale. Since when did I become so sensitive? since when did I care? since when would that leave me feeling like the world is against me? (yes I am overdramatic)
Over the last few months I have felt increasingly insecure in who I am, what I do, where I am and the type of parent I have become .. is this down to my agonisingly appalling hormones that a fog of sadness had rolled in?
I fear my need to please everyone has in fact pleased no one .. least of all myself and the tinges of depression that are waving at me from over in the corner of the room terrify me. I will not go there, I will not bow down to its whim …..
Could this recent bout of unsettledness in fact be down to a midlife crisis at ages 34 3/4? or could it actually just be that I need to shake myself at being so painfully dramatic and that in fact I need to get a grip?
All I know for sure .. right now is I am sad to my very core … and I just don’t want to be.