If you’ve ever toured the late night channels of your satellite TV line-up and found comedy acts from the 60s, 70s, 80s and sometimes even later, you’ll know that some of the so-called humour is hideously dated. Old political and racial views and jokes about disability, gender and class, which are now largely regarded as offensive.
However there are still some lingering, regretful views that some hold, which express themselves in the odd glib comment, and one of those regulars that refuse to park in history are jokes about women drivers. Most female motorists, whether they’re behind the wheel of a Porsche, Peugeot or Ford – find out more here – are decent drivers, but still have to put up with some of these corkers:
You’ll never see a woman driving in Formula 1. It’s not the racing that’s the problem, it’s parking when they come into the pits.
My wife drives the car like lightning – You mean she goes very fast? – No, she hits trees.
And so on. There may even be some evidence, explained in the Daily Telegraph here, that the jokes themselves make women worse drivers because it affects their confidence.
1) The ‘man’ reply
If you’ve got a couple of little jokes locked away for special occasions, such as when your ‘joker’ is standing in front of a team of his mates in the pub, workplace or building site, then there is nothing sweeter than uncorking them at the right time for maximum impact. You don’t need to stick to driving, although there are many examples such as:
Why does it take millions of sperms to fertilise one tiny egg? – Because none of them will stop and ask for directions.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? – Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.
How are husbands like lawn mowers? – They’re hard to get started, they emit noxious odours, and half the time they don’t work.
2) Veiled aggression
Another joke or two, but this time with an edge. You’ve shown that you’ve noted their opinion, and now you are replying with a cold, steely, and deadly retort, such as:
How many men does it take to tile a bathroom? – Two. If you slice them very thinly.
This style of humour may stop them from talking to you altogether!
3) Challenge time
How to shut up a persistent braggart in one, simple move: challenge them to a track race day. Again, do it in front of their friends, and look incredibly confident about it. Find a driving day where you can race against the clock, in cars, go-karts, quad bikes or other fast-moving vehicles.
Of course, there is virtually no chance of them accepting, and even if they do you could perhaps turn it into a charity day where you end up looking like a winner whether you win or lose.
4) Threaten sexual discrimination
Note the phrase ‘threaten’, which doesn’t mean actually going through with it.
If you’re in the workplace and the same old jokes keep coming out just casually drop into conversation the fact that you’ve been looking at the company’s procedure for discrimination, and keeping a note of what has been said and when. Said in the correct fashion – “is she joking or not?” – you can absolutely shut them up for a long time. And of course, if the jokes are genuinely offensive, they can’t say they weren’t warned.
5) Bring out the stats
The last resort: reply that statistically women have accidents that on average cause far less damage, and that until EU laws came in women’s insurance was generally cheaper. That means that insurance companies were so desperate for money to prop up these expensive accidents that men were having, that they had to change the laws so women paid for it. Checkmate. Drive away.
Disclaimer: This is a collaborative post