Twelve years ago, I went through a divorce and while it was extremely painful, my ex-husband and I managed to deal with the process in a non-confrontational and amicable way. I have realised that both at the time and in the long run this was by far the best solution to a very sad situation and here I will attempt to offer some advice to others who may find themselves in a similar predicament.
Dealing with the Realisation
It can be difficult to accept the fact that your marriage is over and that getting a divorce is the best thing to do for all concerned. Once you have come to that conclusion, however, you need to find a way to cope with the realisation.
In my experience separating my personal circumstances from my work life helped a lot. Whilst I was working, I was distracted from the stress and the emotional strain of the impending divorce. For me it made a great deal of sense to just get on with work and only turn my attention to personal matters in my own time where possibly and being proactive helped.
Talking Things Through
Friends and family were very supportive and talking to them about the practical measures that needed to be taken was a much-needed lifeline. Talking things through offered me a roadmap, of sorts and it was from talking that I started to seek the legal advice I needed.
Speaking with my now ex-husband was also helpful, and we were able to agree on how we could best get through the experience without acrimony.
Searching for help online gave me a good insight into the sort of legal assistance we needed. Mediation was one of the first topics I looked into, but as we had been able to agree on the way would handle financial issues and personal possessions, it soon became clear that what we really needed was a divorce solicitor.
In the end, after considering several firms, I opted to go for a solicitor that was recommended to me by a family member. The process, as it turns out, was fairly straight forward for us, we had already come to an amicable agreement and so all that needed to be addressed was the legal formalities. That said, it still took around a year for everything to be completed.
The completion of the formal divorce proceedings came as a huge relief, but I have to say, it was in no way a happy time and no cause for celebration. Moving on was a relatively slow process for me, but move on I did with the ubiquitous “stiff upper lip”.
On reflection, it was a new beginning for me, despite the fact that many other things in my life remained the same. In June, I will have been remarried for six years and life is good, I haven’t seen my ex husband for many years now but I wish him as much happiness as I have now and I am thankful that we chose to approach our divorce in such a way. We could have let things get emotional on both sides and although don’t get me wrong there were many tears from my side alone I know we made the right decision and somethings just aren’t meant to be.