Having my husband off work for almost a month has been amazing for so many different reasons.
The fact he has been able to bond with his new son, spend time with Joshua not only doing the school runs but being off over half term too and he has been about to help me cope after my caesarean section by doing the jobs I was unable to do after my surgery… even if he didn’t vacuum everyday as per my OCD instructions.
Before Jacob arrived I was practically full-time working mum who could balance the school runs, household jobs and even balance my time into a somewhat oddly fashion and although I am not working currently I worried at how I will cope … sounds mad I know but it seems these days I question my own ability to do anything never mind parent a newborn, hence my meltdown and subsequent pity party last week … is it always going to be like this?
I seem so far to have good days and epically bad days, some days I am a stinky unshowered unfunctioning half person that does in fact wear the baby milk spit up top under her coat as finding a clean one for the school run is like a battle or epic proportions … and yet some days I have managed to shower and find clean ironed clothes and even washed some pots all before 9am.
I don’t remember feeling this disjointed with Joshua, although maybe I did and in fact the sleep deprivation managed to keep it in my subconscious?!
Maybe I need to get a grip and to take fairy steps and stop comparing what was the past to what is now?
Maybe I just need to stop looking at the forever picture and see life in smaller chunks of time, after all things aren’t like this forever, are they?
or maybe I need to just chill out and see what this new phase brings instead of preempting it and panicking … after all I can’t control everything can I?
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