I bet you thought I had forgotten, I did not …
Last week it was a whole year since we last spoke or even saw you.
Since the day you were conceived you were my world, I could not have imagined my life without you in it, yet a year ago that nightmare came true.
For months I grieved over a choice that was not mine, but I understood why you made it.
I was never cross over your choice, just hurt by the way that was actioned by others and disheartened by your inability to be honest about it.
What I did choose however was to take away the negativity in my life that involved your Father.
I chose to have no further contact with him, after 16 years of his negativity and nastiness it was time to call it a day but at no point was that about you.
Over the last year I have made it clear to your Dad my door is open to you and it was him we wanted nothing more to do with and that we were looking forward to the day that you picked up a phone and made direct contact, no social media, no text messages but a real life conversation just me and you.
The phone call never happened.
I am not sure what I fear most, the messages not getting to you or the fact you got them and chose not to get in touch.
The day your youngest brother was born I wept that night knowing all my children would never be under the same roof, and that Jacob would never know what it was like to have a sister.
I wept for what could have been and what should have been and I wept at what I know you will have been told.
When you made me a Mother for the first time I only ever wanted one thing for you from the very beginning, happiness – however that materialised I didn’t care, and that wish still stands.
I am not going to get drawn into an argument online or in person with your Father about what happened, I want nothing more to do with him, but that never had anything to do with the way I felt about you.
I think I made the responsible choice to call it quits on having contact with him. Sometimes adults just don’t get along no matter how hard they try to and after 16 years of trying we are best apart and not communicating.
For whatever is happening in your life right now and in the future make sure you are happy, nothing else matters …. Money can’t buy happiness.