Have ever just cut your sentence short because you know that person just stopped listening?
Have you ever wondered how you got the idea of yourself so very wrong?
Depression is not something I have ever taken lightly, it’s not something that has ever been this gradual, nor has it been as sly as it has, creeping up on me, it has been in my peripheral vision.
Feeling the lowest of the low and being powered on pure determination but with no real concept of just what I am determined to achieve is confusing, scary and soul destroying all at the same time.
I am a Mother and a Wife …. but I am also drowning in what others think I should be doing, achieving, completing and wanting.
When did I become pigeonholed into someone else’s perception, of wants and needs?
What about me?
“Feeling the way you feel is ok” …
I told my daughter recently, to have feelings and never be afraid to have them, they are hers ….. all the while I knew I was lying to myself about my own.
I have been confused, scared and frustrated I was hurting, I saw some for what they were, some friendships and relationships have changed but finally I am starting to feel its OK, it means I am healing.
This whole new world of being a stay at home working parent has been scary and its been hard and it’s not something I ever thought I would do … but yet I am doing it …. not perfectly but I am.
When will I ever give myself a break? who’s expectations am I trying to live up to? … everyone else’s or my own?
Feeling my way round and trying to form new boundaries and new ways of working its been really hard, perhaps starting my own business was far more complicated and stressful than I had anticipated. Those little bits of help from others were gratefully received and probably saved my sanity, I may not be ripe ever for world domination, but I am more than OK with that.
I am OK just being me and tomorrow is yet another day.