At age 29 I had a total meltdown about turning 30.
On the eve of my 30th Birthday I cried. I felt life was flying past me and I had wasted it in so many ways. With some seriously ropey choices in men, some rubbish choices in jobs and some friends that were only there when it was convenient. I was in a low place.
As it was I was low enough having left my home due to domestic violence 12 days before and I was wearing a woollen beanie hat in 19 degree heat due to the glue holding my scalp in place.
I was bruised, battered and broken and 30 seemed like it was the icing on my already out of date birthday cake.
I vowed that my 30’s would be everything I wanted it to be and if I am honest I had no idea that those following 8 years would entail a wedding, 2 baby boys and a whole heap of hard work but yet some of the most amazing times in my life.
This weekend I turned 38 .. And If I’m honest I began to feel the pangs of fear at turning 40 in a couple of years. This is not helped with my husband who is 18 months younger than me winding me up over getting closer to the big 40.
I honestly feel that most of my anxiety around turning 40 is based on my own feelings of not feeling happy in my own skin so I wasn’t looking forward to this birthday.
Thanks to some amazing friends and family I had one of the best weekends in a very long time.
Ollie and I met up with friends on Saturday for an adult afternoon/evening of drinking, chatting and even some dancing thrown in for good measure. Then 9 hours of solid undisturbed sleep with the kids at Grandmas house. I woke up on my birthday morning with no hangover and a bacon cob cooked by my husbands fair hands! … Then we went to collect the boys, lunch at an all you can eat Chinese then home with fat comfy pants and some Netflix binge watching and then cheese cake.
I know how to roll!
Instead of avoiding my birthdays I am going to start celebrating them with my nearest and dearest … even if getting older does make me feel anxious!