If you have been following me on social media recently you may have noticed that last week I posted several times about the loss of the beautifully talented and vivacious Kate from WitWitWoo who passed away very suddenly leaving behind 2 children, her youngest being only 14 years old.
Since Kate’s passing I have worked my way through many emotions, sadness, rage, disbelief .. you name it, at some point this week I have felt it. I have no doubt she is going to be greatly missed by her family but for me, I may not have been super close to Kate, however she was a friend, mainly online and via messages but I would always make sure I caught up with her in real life at any blogger event to put the worlds to rights, no matter how fleeting and I will miss her.
If anything the news of Kate passing away so suddenly has actually made me panic about my own mortality, my own life as it is now and how if I passed away suddenly what memories I would leave behind for my family and friends and I am afraid to say that I am not sure I would be happy.
Kate wrote a post about what she might be remembered for if she passed away last year (you can find it HERE ) and she mentions she feared she would be remembered for her mistakes or something silly she said or did in the heat of the moment. For me I worry my family will not really remember much about me at all as I spend so much time playing catch up with work that I don’t ever spend any great quantity of quality time with my family at the moment. My work life balance is way of kilter and I am stuck in a rut never quite having enough hours in the day to do everything that seems to pile up.
I also spend a large percentage of time being grumpy and shouty and I know that is certainly not how I would want to be remembered. I want the kids to remember more than just half my face as its obscured behind a laptop or camera. I need to be in front of the camera with the kids… I need to have more time not working or cleaning or keeping house. I need to take back control of my life and live it not just exist.
I want to make memories and I can only making only do that by making changes and starting to live my life not just be present while it floats on by.
If there is one thing tiny shred of goodness I can take from this sadness its that it has shown me that its time to reflect, make changes and …
Be more WitWitWoo just like Kate.
Thank you Kate for being a friend and for even now inspiring me.