Yesterday I went for pre op and came out with such mixed emotions.
Before I could even get to my appointment it took 2 hours and 25 minutes to get parked in the car park which is beyond ridiculous!
This was obviously not a great way to start a pre op, but thankfully my blood pressure was fine.
Speeding down the North corridor my mind was in overdrive about my upcoming operation.
What happens if I don’t wake up?
How long will I have to be in hospital?
The pain … I hate the pain after surgery and this time they are keeping me on an epidural for a few days after as the pain will be that intense … oh joy … not.
It didn’t stop there either as I gave chapter and verse on full medical history, was weighed, measured, attached to an ECG machine, had bloods taken and swabbed in some rather intimate parts of my body for MRSA I can honestly say even though this will be my 5th operation this one has me utterly terrified.
I am now panicking about how we will cope as a family with barely any holidays left for Ollie to take and only unpaid leave being an option. I can honestly say I have never felt more guilty and stressed out.
Naturally I am not a fly by the seat of my pants kind of person but this operation has left me feeling that way. I feel unsettled, and out of control and I am not sure how to fix it.
It also doesn’t help that I am now playing the waiting game and with only 5 weeks to go before Christmas, will I spend Christmas recovering after major surgery or will I still be waiting. It is almost like my life is on hold.
I am trying to remain positive and upbeat about the whole thing but I am as far from it as I could ever be. Irrational I know.
So now the waiting game begins in earnest … and the path to a pain-free future awaits.