The next blogger in my guest post series is the lovely Joy ;
Joy is an inspirational lady who I have had the pleasure of meeting and a lady that is genuinely a lovely soul. Joy is also a super busy lady with 4 children and 2 blogs. Pinkoddy, her first blog is packed with motivational posts on her health and fitness journey, along with posts of family life and adventures.
Her second blog The Sensory Seeker is written to document her journey into parenting her younger son with Sensory Processing Disorder and older son with Aspergers Syndrome. On her blog she shares the highs and lows of such complex conditions with such honesty so do pop over and take a read.
You can also find Joy here:
Violence in the Home
The first time was just a couple of punches. I had said things he didn’t like, I probably deserved it. The second time I had politely asked him if he could possibly load the dishwasher. Somehow after that time he actually convinced me that it was my fault; that I had got mad enough to lash out at him when he refused – even though I know in my heart that I never said or did a thing. All I remember is the punches raining down on my head, his arms square – boxing into my face. Frightened, scared, powerless. He meant business he really wanted to hurt me. Somehow I managed to get him onto the floor and restrain him until help arrived. I felt ashamed – and like I had done something wrong. Why would anyone want to hurt me like that otherwise?
Next time he just went for my throat, his fingers pressed tight meaning to try and strangle me. This time I knew I hadn’t provoked him, this time I knew I had done no wrong. It just came from no-where and this time I had a witness. I dialled 999 but it took the police 15 hours to come. Apparently I was in no immediate danger. It was just a domestic. They could take him down to the cells but I decided it wasn’t the best thing to do for anyone. Of course I blamed myself – but what was it that I did? Was I too controlling? Did I not show him I love him enough? He was okay when he wasn’t provoked – was I just expecting too much from him? It is only when the buttons are pressed that he gets angry.
I was scared to ask anything of him; he knew he had this control. He no longer kissed me goodnight (sometimes not even saying goodnight) – and was watching inappropriate adult material online. He was stealing from me, creeping around in the night, threatened suicide and running away. For this was no man doing this to me – not a man at all – my little boy (who now towered over me) was just twelve years old. Struggling with puberty – and as it turns out – undiagnosed Autism.
Thank you Joy for such a heartfelt and honest post and allowing me to share it.