I am probably going to sound to many people like I am mean-spirited and even a little selfish, however I am going to be honest.
Over the years it used to bother me what people thought of me.
I so desperately wanted people to like me and want to be friends with me and I guess that still stands in part, however I no longer care if they don’t want to be my friend.
Maybe this revelation has just come about with age, the increase in the number of children I have or the more stressful life has become, who knows. However what I do know is this … If its hard work then I need to change things, drastically.
I used to have ‘friends’ in abundance and as my health has deteriorated over the last couple of years what I have come to realise is some people are not real friends and working out which if those people are can ease the pressure.
It would be fair to say that for many moons I have been the instigator and general worker to maintain friendships. I would be the organiser and sorter to ensure meet ups happen and contact is maintained. I guess there has to be one person in a group that has to take that on more than others and I was ok with that.
However I have been too tired, poorly and have struggled to work practically full-time of late with a baby in tow to still be the one instigator of everything.
I have felt constant guilt over not having much spare time while working from home with baby Jacob and not being able to organise as I used to but I have questioned why it was always down to me in the first place?
For months and months I have berated myself, second guessed how things might pan out and even felt an immense amount of guilt that I just don’t have the time to dedicate to run round some people and it was leaving me feeling even more exhausted.
However after a recent Facebook clear out I am more determined than ever to spend my very precious and valuable time with those people in my life that want to be there and are happy to put in as much effort as I do. The real friends are the ones that don’t mind if they haven’t seen you for a while as life got chaotic but are the people who would drop everything if you needed them, just as you would do for them.
I am no longer sad that some of my previous friendships have fallen by the wayside … I now feel relieved that my friendship group is smaller and I no longer live under the friendship guilt that had taken hold.