I recently read an article in the Daily Mail that claimed Mums feel vulnerable if men stay overnight in maternity wards and as the title suggest some ladies feel that it is inappropriate and the article is totally one-sided in my humble opinion.
and I will explain why …
In 2011 I had an elective section on medical grounds with the most amazing delivery, with understanding and considerate staff who I felt made all my hopes and dreams for a section as relaxed and calm as possible with skin to skin contact for me and my baby they used hushed voices and the delivery was really focussed on my husband and I and then the 3 of us …. It was truly the most wonderful experience as any mayor surgery could have been …. And this is what I am hoping my next delivery will be like in February.
The calm and serenity soon evaporated once we hit the maternity ward, it was like a totally different place from the theatre and recovery ward, it was chaotic and rushed and scary, which was in a complete contrast to the delivery itself.
The midwives were obviously overstretched and those that I had contact with during my 2 day stay I found to nice but not helpful.
My son was born at lunchtime and by 9pm my husband was sent home …. I was advised not to lift my 8lb 4oz son or to twist and to buzz for help instead … 25 minutes after my husband left my son had filled his nappy and after trying to lift him myself it was so painful that I buzzed and then mentally scolded myself for not listening to the advice originally.
When the midwife arrived I was tutted at and told I would need to get a grip and learn how to lift Joshua myself as they were incredibly busy and couldn’t be running in and out all night to lift my baby.
I won’t lie after she left I cried…
The last thing I ever wanted to do was to become a burden, and I have no doubt she didn’t mean it in a hurtful sense, she was tired, stressed and overworked but it still made me cry.
The second and last night of my stay came and after my husband was sent home and I tried to breastfeed my baby wouldn’t latch I admitted defeat and buzzed for help and again and this time received an eye roll and argument after I told her I didn’t know what to do re feeding anymore … at this stage my hormones were rife and I felt like a complete drain on their time…. I rang my husband and cried, I no longer wanted to do this breastfeeding lark, nor be a mother to a newborn. My poor husband had to try to talk down and over tired, stressed wife over the phone while I sobbed and the staff refused to let him come back.
From the peaceful and calm delivery the following 2 days after the birth in hospital were truly horrific and I think that in part was to do with the fact I felt isolated in a single room with over worked staff …. Why couldn’t my husband just stay in that room with me? …. it’s not like we were going to have any wild parties and to be fair my husband got very little sleep at home anyway, he could and should have been with me for as long as we wanted as a family after all if its important for a mother to bond with her baby after its birth it should be equally as important for a father to do the same thing too surly?
I know in some hospitals there are not always single rooms for the whole ward but where possible I think that fathers and mothers should have a choice.
I would love to hear if I am alone in this thoughts that dad’s should have the choice to stay on maternity wards?