It’s quarter past eight, one school shoe is missing, and cereal is stuck to the table, and you’ll still be scraping it off at lunchtime. Then your eldest mentions, very casually, that it’s World Book Day. Today. If you’ve had a morning like that recently, you’re in good company. Parents find their calm in all sorts of ways. One keeps a notebook by the bed, another takes the long way round with the dog, or they book an online psychic reading when they want an outside perspective on whatever’s been bugging them lately.
Mindfulness has a slightly posh reputation: all scented candles and hour-long meditations. At its simplest, it means paying attention to what’s happening right now, on purpose, without judging yourself for it. With kids in the picture, it looks a lot messier than a meditation retreat, and that’s fine. Mostly it comes down to catching yourself before you snap or picking one moment in the day to slow right down. Each habit below takes a few minutes at most, so you can start this week, even on work days.
Grab Ten Minutes Before Anyone Else Is Up
Try getting up ten minutes before everyone else. I know, I know. But those ten minutes with a cuppa by the window belong to you, and nobody’s going to ask where their PE kit is until at least seven. Look out at the garden, think about nothing much, or watch next door’s cat do its morning rounds. Some parents use the quiet to pull a tarot card or check their horoscope before the toast goes on.
Got a toddler who’s up at 5 am regardless? Yep, ours too, so forget the ten minutes. What I do instead is stand outside the bedroom door and take three slow breaths before going in, counting to five on each breath in and five on each breath out. It feels silly, but it does help. Or I’ll stay under the shower an extra minute while the hot water lasts. It isn’t much, but you go into the day a little less frazzled than you would otherwise.
Slow Down One Boring Job
Choose a job you’d be stuck doing anyway. Brushing teeth with the kids works. So does the school run, or the washing-up after tea? For one week, give that job your full attention: the warm water, a small sticky hand in yours, and the faintly lemony whiff of washing-up liquid.
Your mind will wander off to the to-do list, and that’s normal. When you notice, bring your attention back to the job in front of you. It feels daft at first, but keep going: a few days in, you might find you’re rushing less at other times too.
Talk About Feelings at Home
Children often pick up on your mood before you’ve said a word about it. So when you feel the frazzle creeping in, say it out loud. “I’m a bit wound up, so I’m off to sit on the stairs for two minutes” does the job. Kids usually take it better than you’d expect. They see that grown-ups get cross and wobbly too, and then calm down again without anyone shouting. If you do snap, a quick “sorry I shouted, I was tired” once things have settled shows them how to put things right afterward.
At bedtime, some families do roses and thorns, where you each pick the best bit of your day and the worst. Little ones who don’t have the words yet can point to a face on a feelings chart or tell you what color their day was. Don’t be surprised if a four-year-old insists theirs was sparkly green.
Keep a Few Screen-Free Pockets in the Day
You don’t have to ditch your phone. Just choose a couple of short windows in the day when screens go out of reach. Dinner’s an easy one. Straight after school is another, since that’s often when the news of the day comes tumbling out (who cried at lunch, whose tooth fell out) before it’s forgotten by bath time.
A basket by the front door helps. Everyone’s devices go in, grown-ups included, which stops the kids crying foul. Expect a few groans in the first week, especially from older kids, but the gap usually fills itself with chatter, a card game, or a very long story about Minecraft.
Let the Bar Drop on Hectic Days
Frozen pizza is allowed. So is an extra episode of whatever cartoon is on repeat in your house. Some days just fall apart, and on those days, being kind to yourself might be the most mindful thing you can do. What has to happen today? Do that. The rest can wait.
On a calmer afternoon, jot down a few comfort habits for the rough ones: a favourite playlist, a stroll round the block, and ringing the friend who always gets you giggling. Stick the list on the fridge. Then, when you’re running on fumes at 6 pm, you won’t have to come up with ideas from scratch.
Share the Load
Parenting can be weirdly lonely, even in a house that’s never silent. Have a moan to your partner, or message that one friend from the school gate who gets it, the one who replies within seconds with a row of laughing faces. The toddler group at the library is worth a go, too, and nobody there minds if you turn up with porridge on your jumper. If you’re parenting solo, an online parents’ group can be that friend at 10 pm, when everyone you know is asleep.
If you’ve been feeling low or anxious for more than a couple of weeks or exhausted in a way sleep doesn’t seem to fix, please talk to your general practitioner or a registered counsellor. If you live in England, you can also refer yourself to NHS Talking Therapies without seeing a GP first. You don’t have to wait until things get really bad.
Where to Start
You don’t need to try all of these steps at once (please don’t). Pick the habit that looks easiest and give it a couple of weeks. Some days it’ll get buried under the laundry pile. That’s family life, and you can pick it up again tomorrow.
Last thing, and this one’s for tonight. When you get into bed, have a think about one bit of today that made you smile. It might be tiny, like a sticky hug at the door or your youngest’s dreadful joke about a cow at dinner. Stay with it for a few seconds before you nod off. That counts as mindfulness too, and it’s a nice way to finish even a mad day.
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