Since becoming a parent I have gone through the stage of panic attacks that a whole other human being depends on you .. Although scary in its own right it has been only fleeting like that odd dream you have of falling… you know that one that you never hit the ground and you wake up by your own jerked movements.
For the second year in a row and the third year out of the last four years I am heading off for another operation today.
I am scared.
On the run up to last years operation I felt panicked and out of control, maybe even a sneaking fear every so often, however since getting the call for this cancellation appointment came through last week I have been on full on panic, feeling sick and shaking at the mere thought of it.
So much so I have taken to mentally preparing letters to my children, husband and family should I not make it back home. To top that off however since the weekend I have preparing lists and tackling jobs with total gusto.
Just in case ..
* I have (with the help of Beth) painted all but 2 fence panels, jet washed the garden and weeded all the boarders – After all I will be laid up looking at it for a few weeks if I make it back or any visitors can admire the lovely garden
* Tea is sorted for a week or so as I have batch cooked, Chilli’s and lasagne and Spag bol for a small army! – Everyone needs to eat right?
* Jet washed the garden patio, the path at the back and the front garden – I don’t want to slip on slime should I make it back from surgery
* Cleaned the cooker and cooker hood filters – After all it would give Ollie a few months grace at having to think about doing it.
* I have gutted the kitchen and steam cleaned anything that has stood still – At least no one will get ill from germs!
* Emptied and cleaned both fish tanks – Well they don’t need to die too … although maybe too late for one fishy friend as it was floating
* I have purchased more toilet rolls – No one ever fills up the downstairs toilet cupboard so have bought more and stocked up
* I have washed and ironed almost every article of clothing that is owned in this household
* I have cleaned and hoovered throughout and packed some bags for hospital
I think more than anything I get anxious with the organising, having to ask for help doesn’t come naturally and it’s the one thing that makes me inwardly squirm. Thankfully we have the parents on standby for babysitting and child organising today and over the next few days too.
So this is it … surgery here I come…
Aww you poor thing. It’s definitely a mum thing. I had lists about lists when I went on for c-section, batch cooked and bought toilet roll 😉
In all seriousness though, I hope it goes well. I will be thinking of you xx
Thinking of you lovely lady xx
I’m not having an operation but I have also written letters to my children and left them on the computer only to be read in the event of my death! I don’t fear death – but rather look forward to it in some strange way (I’m a Christian so heaven sounds fab), I just hate the idea of my kids being upset about not being with me. I feel for you & well done for being so organised and thoughtful. I’m sure it will pay off!
Hugs lovely, I will be thinking of you. Here if you need anything xx
I felt the same when I had an op several years ago. I had a fab consultant who explained that all tests they do to check your fitness for the op have been done and all ok. The anesthetist also explained how they put you to sleep and it was all very comforting.
It’s always a scary time in hospital but I’m sure you’ll be fine and back on form with us all very soon.
Big hug from South Wales .. XX
It sounds like you have been working like a demon. I hope it all went well x
Totally get this – I get practical and do the organising thing whenever I’m feeling stressed or emotional. It’s my coping mechanism.
Awesome to see via your tweets that it’s all gone well in hospital – hope you’re back on your feet quickly.
oooh I don’t like the thought of an operation – Mummy HATES needles and would hate to be facing an op. Hope you are recovering well 🙂 x
You’re going to be ok Jaime.
You’re going to be ok, and your children, and Ollie.
– Cleaning the path was a good thing, because you’re coming home after this!
…Though you could have got them to do that! 😉
How did I miss this? Hope it all went well lovely lady xxx
Hope it went well, Jaime. Thinking of you loads.
Wow, that was a serious amount of planning and activity. You’ve obviously come out the other side, and hopefully you’re on the mend and not going too nuts.