Within a few weeks I had given up and thought myself a failure.
What I didn’t take into consideration was the horrifically emotional birth experience I had and just how much my emotions would impact on my confidence at my own abilities.
Fast-forward 10 years, another baby and another lifetime.
An understanding partner and an immensely different delivery experience … yet my breastfeeding journey on that occasion was still nothing to shout out about.
This time my problem was not establishing a breastfeeding routine before a few weeks in starting to express milk for everyone but me to feed baby.
The resentment set in and I began to feel I was a milking machine as I as next to my baby being fed while I was attached to a plastic pump.
This time round I want to make my breastfeeding journey more proactive and actually achieve being able to breastfeed long term without giving up. So I have been trying to preempt issues and head them off at the pass.
I have a wide selection now of nursing bras and one of which is utterly mind-blowingly comfortable so we are good to go on that front.
I have been mentally preparing to make this journey, after all it’s a journey I have to take on by myself for a while since hubs is redundant at feeding due to his lacking breasts. However I have been talking lots to him this time round about how much I do want to do this and he is being so supportive, which in fairness he was last time, but my willingness to include him in feeding was my own downfall so I am going to keep focused instead.
Feeding time is going to be comfort time too … another of my downfalls last time was trying to feed and still be doing other things at the same time… it doesn’t work so I am going to use my maternity leave wisely and try to spend time using feeding time as bonding time.
Here’s hoping that a more positive mental mindset will help keep me on track with breastfeeding this time round.