Changing Friendships

The next wonderful blogger in my guest post series is Emma;

Emma and Family started off as a YouTube channel when Emma was pregnant with her son Harrison, after a hiatus after his birth she found herself wanting back into the vlogging/blogging community and emmaandfamily.co.uk was born in July of 2016. Emma lives in Surrey with her boyfriend Fabio and son Harrison and is currently trying to conceive baby number 2. The blog focuses on day-to-day life as a family, the struggles of parenting and the project of making their new house a home

You can also find Emma here so do pop over and say Hi:

      

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Changing Friendships

There is no denying that once you have children your friendships change. Children make a huge change to your life in terms of your priorities, your interests and the spare time you have available.

You are no longer able make plans at the last-minute, not without bringing the children with you anyway. A night out with your girlfriends becomes an event that needs planning weeks in advance, more even if your little ones father isn’t available and you need to find baby sitters!

But something else happens with your friendships once children come into the mix. There becomes a natural divide. Your friends with children. And your friends without.

I was the first of my friends to have children. In fact two years down the line I am still the only one of my core friendship group to have had a child. And because of that I have become removed. I haven’t been outed, I haven’t fallen out with anyone, but I have naturally become distant from the group. I try to meet up with them all as often as possible but now H isn’t a little baby that can be passed around for cuddles and is a boisterous toddler I’m finding myself invited out less and less. Nobody wants their house trashed by a toddler but they also still all live in the hustle and bustle of London and don’t want to take the 35 minute train out into Suburbia where we have inevitably settled as a family. And when I do see them the amount we have in common is slowly dwindling. I haven’t worn heels in 3 months, let alone had a swanky cocktail in the newest bar. I don’t know who the hot guy someone has been texting is. And they frankly don’t know anything about the new eczema cream I’m trying out. Or about the excitement caused by Tom Hardy reading the bedtime story! Or care really!

Of course, the real amazing pre baby friendships are built-in stone and will survive. You know, those friends you can go a year without seeing but it feels like you have never been apart when you finally sit down for that coffee. They will survive the great baby divide. But those friends that were great for a drink and a gossip but not much more, quickly fade away into polite exchanging of birthday cards and a yearly catch up at Christmas.

Then on the flip side. You get your new friends. Your ‘mum’ friends. These friends are both your saviours and worst nightmare depending on your luck of who happened to have chosen the same baby group to go to in those early days!

Your mum friends are the savour of your sanity more often than not. Someone else who is free at 9am on a Thursday morning and also wants to go to drink large vats of coffee whilst letting their child scream around a soft play. Someone else who is awake to reply to your texts at 3am when you are both up at feeding the baby. Someone who sympathetically nods whilst your toddler throws a hissy fit in the middle of the garden centre and will laugh with you, rather than glare across the hydrangeas. Those friendships forged at this challenging time are ones that will almost certainly withstand the test of time. My mum still meets up with some of her ‘baby friends’ 25 years down the line.

Of course though. You will also come across ‘competitive crazy mum’. She will tell you all about how her little angel slept through the night at 2 hours old, walked at 6 months old and get recite the alphabet by their first birthday and has never had a temper tantrum, ever, not even for a second. For ‘competitive crazy mum’ each day is a glowing haze of joy and freshly baked cookies and pristine white baby grows. We hate this mum. We aren’t sure whether it’s jealousy or real hate but all I know is avoid this mum, she won’t be awake to cry over how tired you are at 3am. She is no use! Nobody needs ‘competitive crazy mum’ in their

So yes friendships change when you have children. Some for the better, some for the worst. But I like to think this is the way weed out the rubbish and find the friends you really need.

Of course, H is only 2. I have yet to encounter the whole new range of friends that will come once he starts school and I join the school gate mum brigade. God only knows what I have coming to me with that next step.

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Why not pop over and see what else Emma is writing about over on her blog, Emma And Family.