Over recent months I have had such an overwhelming sense of wholeness and have spent some time reflecting on parts of my past that have made me who I am and made me the person i am today.
This story starts after the breakdown of my 1st marriage in 2007. It was a scary time for me and Bethany. Although my husband and I had been together 5 years we only managed 9 months married. Now don’t get me wrong we didn’t hate each other or have affairs, we simply were unhappy and decided to call it a day. My ex hubby stayed in what was our matrimonial home and I bought another house and moved away
After the split I was working full time and found I was quite isolated so joined some on line dating sites. Now don’t get me wrong I met some lovely people and have even remained friends with a couple of nice guys so that in itself was not the problem!
In October of 2007 I met a guy and fell completely head over heels (gone was all sanity) a few months in, he started to give me snippets of information about his past life but nothings concrete, I was lead to believe that he had had some issues in the past and he was trying to turn his life around (Where were the hills, that I should be running for?) Firstly his 2 children, who I was informed had been adopted to another couple as he and his ex-partner were too young to cope (I pulled out violins) 7 months in I was told he had a fight with another bloke in town and he was on probation (where were the alarm bells?) Next came the past problems with drugs and his insistence on wanting to get clean (what did I know I have never taken drugs nor would I want too). In my naive love sick state I thought I could help, I thought he could change and that he wanted too, I genuinely thought this was love.
Looking back in hindsight over the time we were together I cannot believe that any sane, rational, sensible human being would not have seen what was coming, yet I didn’t I had meetings with his Probation Worker and Drugs Councillors as I wanted this relationship to be out in the open and I wanted to make it work and I wanted to help him.
At about this point in time things seriously started to change, he was back on drugs, drinking, selling anything he owned for money (and anything he could get his hands on that was mine) he also very aggressive. The thing that affected me most of all I have to say was the lying. He would say he was somewhere and then would either trip himself up once sober again or he would get caught out. He was seeing numerous people behind my back but at by this time my confidence was so low it became the norm, however he denied it adamantly. I really started to begin to think that this was all my fault and that I was completely nuts.
During this relationship there had started to be an escalation to the violence at first it was a shove or push then it became scary he was increasingly hurting me and destroying my home by kicking in doors, punching walls and he even bite my face. I was terrified but didn’t know how to get out. I was so convinced that my family and friends wouldn’t want to know me and they too would think this was all my fault I was trapped.
The final act came on September 5th 2009. After attending my very close friend’s wedding. On returning home I realised I couldn’t find my phone so I woke my then boyfriend to ask him if he had seen it. I was then pushed down the stairs from top to bottom (I lost consciousness at some point) on coming too I was then kicked in the head while I was on the floor. As my head was bleeding profusely I knew I needed to get out so I crawled through my living room on my hands and knees; I found the house phone and called 999. (I was so scared that he would wake up from the sofa in which he was sleeping and see what I had done so I hid it under a sofa cushion). I tried to get out but found i was locked in and he had taken my car keys, house keys and purse.
At this point he woke and realised I was trying to flee, I was then smothered with a pillow. In my head something clicked and I knew if I didn’t fight I would die. I fought and screamed and he finally released me and went to the kitchen. I heard the cutlery draw open and knew what he was going to do: he was going to stab me. I then ran for the front living room window but with it being a bay window and I am only a shorty I couldn’t get out so I opened the window and screamed like I have never screamed before. He was pulling my legs trying to get me back onto the floor but thankfully my neighbours heard. My neighbours phoned the police and I hung on tight to the window and some of the other neighbours began kicking in my front door. When he realised what they were doing and that they were not going away he escaped out the back door and ran off.
After this attack I was taken to hospital and had my scalp glued back together and tons of x-rays however as the blows had been unexpected I had not tensed and was very lucky to have no bones broken.
He was arrested and charged the same night and was remanded in custody. Even after several bail attempts all were denied and he remained in custody until trial in January 2010.
The following months after this I had no choice but to sell my house for a reduced price in order to sell it quickly (I was terrified he would be let out and know where I was) I had tests and appointment to my attended for the damage I sustained to my elbow and I had months and months of counselling. I physically will always have a scar (thankfully with lots of thick hair no one can see it) although you can feel it. I have continued nerve damage to my right elbow which leaves me with regular pin and needles type feelings and I suffer with some Post Traumatic Stress (not all the time just little things that can trigger it) 
It emerged after all this his probation worker should of informed the Social Services team and others of his presence in my home and they should of contacted me to support me, knowing what this man’s past had involved. I was just another government statistic in people that were let down by multiple departments and it could of cost me my life. I was supported my Womens Aid and I would of been lost without them.
My past is my past and it makes me who I am today, I am confident, independent and strong. I count my blessings every day and don’t take anything for granted. I know without the past I wouldn’t have what I have now so for that I thank you ex-boyfriend…. I have a perfect hubby and children and although we are not financially rolling in it we love each other and team Oliver is strong, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
* He received a 2 year prison sentence at Crown Court followed by a 2 year probation order for this attack.
(please note the pictures were taken 19 days after the attack)
You are so brave for sharing this, and so strong for coming through something that no one can truly understand unless they have been there. Xx
Thank you honey, when i think about this time in my life its as if i am looking at someone else’s life it is such a massive world away from where i am right now.
xx
such a brave post & an even braver lady. Thank you for sharing x
thank you for taking the time to read and to comment it means a lot to me 🙂
Im not brave i am just me 😉 xx
goodness me Jaime, I was gripped by your post, saying oh my gosh or words to that effect all the way through! It has never happened to me & I am so sorry it did to you & so pleased you have the family you do now x
it really does feel like a bad dream, i just hope one day there is something that can be done to warn others before they get involved with violent offenders.
thanks for taking the time to read and comment x
I am so relieved that this terrifying story had a happy ending and that you are in a good place in your life today. x
Thank you honey xx
Oh my word, what an awful experience. You are obviously a beautiful person inside & out to be able to get over that & trust someone again. I’m so happy that you are now free & out of it. So many stay & I know how hard it is to leave. You always tell friends to do it but really when it comes to it, it seems so scary. Big hugs. X
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. For months before the final night i knew my family didn’t like him and were worried sick it was such a massive thing to make sure i never went back. I really couldn’t of done it without my parents they were amazing.
Wow – what an emotional post. I have nothing but respect and admiration for your strength and courage to get out of an awful situation and build your life again.
Thank you i really appreciate you kind comments.
At the time i didn’t feel very strong! however looking back to the place i was at i must of been as i felt scared to go out on my own, felt scared of any noise and shadow. I do still have my little moments of immense insecurity and i can be a nightmare to live with but i love where i am at now x
Well done for being strong enough to get away and to write this post – and for getting your daughter away from him too. Some people stay forever and don’t survive. You did. And you deserve all the happiness you get. I’m not quite in a place where I can write mine – and I’m not sure if I ever will be but as the 16 Days of Action Against Domestic Violence is coming up and Sunday 25th is International Day for Elimination of Violence Against Women then I shall certainly be something to support Women’s aid and the important work they do xxx
It does make me want to repay Women Aid for their continued support they were amazing at the time and were for many many months after. They really were fantastic.
Vicky you will get there, even a few months ago this subject made me feel so emotional and sore, its just the last few weeks i have left i can now be honest and open and say this happened to me and i am through the other side xx
Wow, what an emotional post. I think you were very brave to write this and have done so brilliantly. Well done for escaping and continuing to be a survivor. Glad it all worked out for you x
thank you for your very kind words xxxxxx
Wow, what an incredibly brave, honest post to write. You deserve all the happiness in the world. X
Thank you 🙂 it seems like a different lifetime ago now! xx
Wow!! You are amazeballs!!! Xxxxxx
thank you, although i am just me 😉 xxxxx
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I can only imagine how hard it was to write this post and have to relive those times and that awful night. You have been very brave and by sharing you increase awareness for all, including myself, of the hell of domestic violence. I’m so pleased that you are now in a positive and good place.
Thanks Sarah, i can speak and write about it now, although i do find i am quite factual and unemotional about it, i think this means i am putting it into a box to move on from. It is still very scary that before this i thought it would never happen to me…
Oh my goodness :'( that is so terrible. You are so, so strong! Lots of hugs to you xxx
honey so are you, you just dont know it yet. once you do you will be able to deal with things better. Massive hugs all round x
:’) x
I literally had a lump in my throat as I read your words and saw those pictures. You are incredibly brave and courageous, and those awful things obviously brought that all out, for you to be where you are today, although it is a travesty that any person should be treated in such a way. Bless you and your family.
Awww thank you so much for you kind words. At the time i am not sure how i actually got through this! however i am a great believer in things happen for a reason and maybe i was meant to go through this so someone that wasnt as strong as me didnt have too?!
I never forget to appreciate the little things now xxx
You are so brave to share this,bringing up old memories is hard! My mother,and I eventually suffered violence from my Father so I got a bit emotional reading this!
I’m so glad you have found happiness.
sending you hugs my lovely, its like a different lifetime ago now.
Oh honey, it all sounds so terrifying. My heart really goes out to you and Bethany. Bless you both. You’ve been so brave and I’m so pleased that you have found yourself in such a warm, loving environment now. xx
i think that things happen for a reason and it was all building up to now 🙂
Wow, you’ve been through the mill and back 🙁 How horrible for you, no wonder you suffer from PTS. We do some strange things and wonder why we ever did them but they are often the things which make us what we are today. Well done for sharing x
Thanks Suzanne, I think this was my new start and now look what i have! 🙂
Oh my god, that sounds so scary. I’m so glad you got out and he was put in prison. I hope this post helps someone else and gives them the courage to get out of a violent relationship x
it seems like a lifetime ago now! It was my new start
You’re such a brave, brave lady, Jaime. And it really is magical to think that you got through that horrendous time in your life and are now happy and settled. You have such courage.
aww thanks Rachel, i think things happen for a reason and i was lucky enough to start again and be happy
Oh Jaime. I am so very sorry that you went through such a horrific experience. You are indeed a survivor – evidently. I have huge respect you, lovely lady, and truly admire your courage in the face of this. Sending you big hugs. xx
thanks honey, i am just lucky to of been able to start again and make a new life 🙂
Reading this my heart was in my throat; what an ordeal to go through. When you look back you see how far you have come; I understand why this is a magic moment for you, and I am so, so glad that you are happy now, with your wonderful family surrounding you. Thank you for being so honest, and brave, and sharing this moment with us. xx
Awww thanks Emily, i know some may think its a made #magicmoment but this really was the moment my life started again xxx
What a emotional post so pleased you managed to escape and rebuild you’re life huge hugs xx
thanks Lisa, xxxxxxxxx
You brave, brave woman, sounds like you had a very lucky escape. I’m so glad that you are in a much better place in your life now and have the happy life you deserve, go team Oliver! x
Oh my goodness Jaime what a true survivor you are. And what a lucky escape. I am so glad he was sentenced and I am so glad you got out and found the happy, safe life you have now. What a horrific time. What a strong, strong lady to come through the other side xxx
aww thanks honey, i think some things are meant to be and i had to go through it to get to the other side x
You are an extraordinary person and yes, a survivor. That fighting spirit helped save your life. Your sharing of this story just shows how you’ve managed to deal with the past and move on.
Im speechless. What an amazing courageous woman you are. I have so much respect for you. It must have been very difficult sharing this story. But im glad that you did. love to you. xx
awww thanks honey i cant believe it really happened now it seems like a whirlwind away from where i am now!
Oh my goodness. I am so glad that you got out of that situation. It’s very easy to look back and think that you were silly not to see but once you’re in something like that you just can’t see it! x
thanks Rebecca, i am just pleased my life is so different now xx
Well done for having the bravery to talk about this, am sure it will help others too. It’s so easy to get into a relationship and see no way out xx
thanks Mary, I do so it helps others x
Gosh, it’s so brilliant that you are able to share this and hopefully help others who find themselves in the same situation or to help those that are heading towards a situation like this and hopefully help them escape it. So sorry to read that you had to endure all this and so happy that there is a fantastically happy ending for you x
awww thanks honey, i went through that to get this and i cant be happier 🙂
This is an incredible post – it’s hard to believe that you have been through so much.
I am so relieved that you found the strength to escape and build a new life. xx
thanks honey, i am so pleased that i did at least get a happy ending 🙂 xx
This is so brave of you to share lovely and I felt so emotional for you. So glad you have the wonderful family you deserve. I hope it helps others. Huge love to you xxx
aww thanks honey i am still shocked myself that i put up with it, my life now is worlds away from that one! thanks goodness! x
Oh Jaime, I had tears in my eyes for you while I was reading this. What an awful awful thing to have to go through. And you are strong to be able to relive it in your head then write about it. Good on you, girl.
awww thanks honey, i feel quite detached to that time in my life now although i do have some anxieties still left
You are strong to be able to share this so openly. Unfortunately things like this happen too much. x
thanks so much Louise x
Well done J, someone somewhere is going to read that and be inspired to leave the abusive relationship they are in x
aww thanks Jeannette! i do hope it makes a difference! things can get better 🙂
What a brave story to share with everyone. Although horrendous I am so pleased you have come out the other side a stronger and confident person. You deserve every happiness and I am pleased you have it x
awww thanks honey xx
That is one scary story. Well done for sharing. The sadness in this for me is that you have obviously an inner strength which allowed you to come back stronger, many women (and sometimes men) wouldn’t. I hope others find this story and see it as a source of inspiration, you are clearly incredibly brave.
Oh my Jaime, well done for being so proud as to share your story. It must have been so very difficult. Xx
thanks honey, it was at the time but now my world is so completely different its like it happened to someone else!
awww thank you, it really does feel like it happened to someone else now though my life couldnt be anymore different these days
high five for you braveness. what a story!
thanks honey *hi five* straight back at ya 🙂
So sorry that you went through all of that. I am crying as I read, I just couldn’t believe it. So glad he got the punishment he deserved and you got away and are a stronger woman today for it. X
awww thanks Sarah, it seems like a different life time ago now, thanks goodness! xxx
You made me cry like a complete idiot reading this. Only because you are so brave and you can feel the emotion in the post. Really proud of you, it would have been a lot easier to stay and suffer the consequences. It must have been an incredibly difficult period for you and I’m so happy you came out of the other side. I’m a firm believer that bad things that happen in the past make people much much stronger as individuals. You deserve all the happiness in the world now Mrs – grab those horns xxx
awww thanks Charly, I have both horns and i am loving it my lovely 🙂 xx
thank you Sarah, thats such a lovely thing to say! xx
Oh Jaime I read this post and thought wow.Wow that you went through such a terrible time,wow that you were strong enough to get you and Bethany out safely,wow that some people can be so manipulative and flippin dangerous and wow that you have absolutely turned things around now. I’m glad that you met your new partner and had little Joshua and now have bought the blogging community together in such a supportive and friendly way.Jaime you rock! Loads of love Jess xxxx
awww Jess thank you so so much xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Wow – you are such a strong and brave lady xx So sorry that you went through this, but so glad that you came out the other side safe and strong. A wonderfully honest, brave post xx
thank you Sara xxxx
Its just terrible reading what you went through. Even with the photos being 19 days old you can see how bad they are. You’re so brave sharing this and an inspiration. Although I’ve never been in an abusive relationship I lived years with an abusive father and wish I had half the courage you have.
aww thank you Amy, you actually just made me cry .. i often think of that time in my life and its like i lived it through someone else eyes.
I am so very sorry lovely that you went through this with a parent! … no one ever deserves this x