Should Mothers Who Deny Fathers Access To Their Children Be Punished? this is a story that was brewing this week in the Daily Mail as it announced that Government Ministers are proposing a gigantic shake up of the family court system that could see parents breaking court orders regarding their Children, being punished by removing parents driving licences/passports, given curfews, unpaid work or even being thrown into jail!
Please don’t all panic there is nothing yet set in stone and in the main the Government will be consulting on how the law should be changed in the future and preferring the courts to presume that a child is better off with both parents in their lives….
Now that’s a biggie isn’t it?! and one that no doubt people will be shouting the odds over for months, where do you stand on this debate? more to the point where do I stand?
Now some of you will already know that after recent changes in legal aid that you can find more about HERE. I am sitting on the fence with this, there are certainly fors and against from me.
Now my recent gripe over the fact that the legal aid system was abused by people pursuing, and law firms allowing clients to take legal actions that were unreasonable, unacceptable or out and out unattainable … OK OK I know I am back on that soap box again but this whole tit for tat mentality really is ludicrous! … if you have not seen your child for 4 years and you have not maintained contact, you are not going to get full custody unless the other parent has a serious drug issues and the child is neglected, lets be honest! (although let me point out I am not a legal expert and this is all personal opinions and conjecture)
I am not sitting here with my perfect life being a sanctimonious cow, not by any stretch: after splitting with my daughters father when she was 6 months old, I instigated contact for my ex partner to continue with contact even after a horrifically volatile break up. Needless to say he was not chuffed about everything to do with it, but all power to his elbow he continued with contact and we learnt to adapt and alter it to her best interest now she is 12, going on 13. We will never get on as best friends and if we are both honest we have a tolerable relationship these days .. we still do not get on and do not agree all the time.
It was not easy following through with continued contact, it was messy, soul destroying and hurtful at times and If I am honest It was damn hard work but I still believe what happened with him and I is between us, not her and him and with regular contact it would be up to her when she is old enough to decided, which she has done and she continues to see him. Please don’t think I am sat here judging any decisions that you have made I am honestly not.
Don’t get me wrong I do know there are many reason and situations that mean maintaining contact maybe detrimental to the welfare of the child/children and I only hope that the new legislation should there be any, will take these instances on-board and does not penalise those remaining parents!
Do you know parents that have used the Children to play games and in the end the Child/Children have suffered?
So what do you think should parents be have action taken against them if they refuse to follow court orders and allow the estranged parent to see their children??
Disclaimer: Please note I am not legally trained and I am not able to offer any advice. Should you be seeking advice please feel free to speak to a trained professional.
Something seriously does have to be done about the current situation. It takes 2 to make a baby, so in an ideal world there should be involvement with both parents. Unless there is a danger with a parent there should be contact, it can always be supervised.
Unfortunately at the moment there is a lot of using children as weapons, and false accusations (a loose one was made against my partner because his 6 year old daughter used to get into his bed half way through the night once her mum had moved out of the bedroom because she wanted to give her dad a cuddle, mainly because she was scared that he was going to leave her as he was going to be moving out. After the first time this happened, my partner realised it was time to wear pyjamas. It was not described like that in court and he could have been facing serious allegations if her solicitor hadn’t urged her to drop it, but also his 6 year old daughter would have had to have intimate examinations to provide evidence, what damage would that have done to her!!)
The resident parent should be punished in some way (I don’t quite know how) if they deny the other parent reasonable contact, for, more than anything else, the child’s sake. The contact should also be convenient for all concerned, not dictated by the resident parent for their own ends. So many children grow up thinking that a parent left and doesn’t love them anymore because they don’t see them, and I know some parents do exactly that, but the majority want a relationship with their children and should not be denied that. Maybe if they tighten up the laws there will be a few less people going on Jeremy Kyle because one parent neglected them, and a few less suicides from denied parents.
Rant over, sorry, I just talk to people all the time who are affected unnecessary contact issues.
no worries at all honey, feel free to rant! these are the situations that i ranted about regarding people abusing the legal system last time. I totally agree on the the tightening of laws too. xx
I have a 15 year old son alfie who I adore and worship I’ve not seen alfie since 23 Rd April 2012 and it breaks my heart I as a father would give anything to have my adorable son back in my life the thing that does me is alfie gets to see all my family members apart from his own dad I send birthday Christmas presents easter presents I write also I pay 75 pound every single Monday through csa which I’ve maintained in all this time I’ve paid out court orders payed out for medation everything it kills me inside and of course cause theirs no more legal aid have to fund everything myself it’s such so so sad a child who upon I afore is being derived of his dad what a sad world we live in when is law go in to change in fa four of loving father
I am so sorry that you are going through this, i think there is a serious floor in the system that allows people to abuse it and hides behind it instead of looking at the wider picture for all.
We currently have a friend in a similar situation to you who is tens of thousands in debt trying to see his son and its stinks that she is allowed to waste court time and not turn up to hearings time and time again.
I wish you every success in securing some contact in the future.
Hi there!
I don’t read the Daily Mail so this is all news to me!
I split from my daughter’s father when she was 4 months old. She’s now just about to turn two. The reason for splitting was black & white domestic abuse.. violence, mind games, control issues.. you name it.. he did it. He also drank a lot. So when our case went to court, in the hearings I was happy for professionally supervised visitation rights, and that alone. This guy had no interest in his kid when we lived together, I couldn’t trust him not to neglect her when left alone with her. He of course turned it down, kicked up a huge stink and in the end turned down all visitation and custody rights. That is how it is to this day and he hasn’t seen her in over a year. It was his decision and I offered what I felt best for my daughter (not to mention the fact he’d threaten to take her off me numerous times!) It was his decision not to be any part of her life and I don’t feel I should be punished for this. My daughter is better off without him in her life and I hope one day I can find someone else to be a father figure of her. I really hope the legal system continues to protect mothers and their children who have come from circumstances like this. Luckily I was one of the few who continued to get legal aid due to the fact I was a domestic abuse case.
Thank you for bringing this to light for me, I will be blogging about my opinions on it on my blog!
xx
This is the whole point in the situation you were in it would be unproductive and destructive, the courts need to take these on board! Please do let me know when you have blogged about this i would love to read x
It’s sad that there are mums out there who wold punish fathers by denying access, but I’m certain there are cases where the ‘dads’ aren’t actually fit to parent so there is never going to be a perfect solution. I think it’s fantastic that you have been able to put your differences aside to successfully co-parent. It’s cannot be easy I’m sure! You are a brilliant example to others! x
It’s so tricky. In France it’s so different – unless one parent is dangerous/a drug addict, then generally the custody is split 50/50 with each parent having the child(ren) every other week and holidays split equally. I know so many children in France who have two bedrooms – one at Mum’s house, one at Dad’s house and they spend one week with one, then one week with the other. Sometimes it works brilliantly, other times it’s a disaster. It’s hard to find a solution that suits everyone. But hats off to you for being selfless and mature about it with your ex, that can’t have been easy x
awww thanks honey, these new proposed changes really do need to be very well thought out and ensure there things are assessed on each situation independently. I know the 50/50 wouldnt of worked for us it would of been a disaster from the start! lol x
This is very tricky. I am not against a law like this, but there is no “one size fits all” in these situations, so the government better think hard about this one and look at this from every angle.
I am so with you on this Judy there really is no blanket cover that will fit everything and if they dont take that into account there are going to be alot of people that suffer x
There should be some kind of law to protect those who are having kids being used as weapons against them. Definitely….but how will it be policed?
I have first hand experience of this. My ex sister in law ran off with the kids with her mother saying she would do everything she could to prevent us from seeing them. She lied, turned the kids against their father, and even made out he was harrassing her….but at that time we had proof that he wasnt as he was a trucker and he could prove where he was at the times she said he was following her.
We literally spent thousands getting access to them. While she got it all free to pursue false cases against us.
For years she continued to cause drama and kept taking us back to court. She managed successfully to eventually turn them against him and now none of us see them. He had contact with one of the girls but they kept taking her mobile off her so he couldnt phone her…..He has now given up after years of battle…it was soul destroying..he couldn’t win. And frankly he couldnt afford to pay her maintenance (still does) and keep going to court.
awww honey this is awful. this kind of action is what lead me to my previous post about the legal aid system being abused. people like this are the sole reason that something needs to be done to ensure that fair contact is given. Although as you say how on earth that would be policed and monitored really is any ones guess.
I am sending big hugs that one day the children will come back of their own accord to re-establish relationships x
This proposed legislation says only that the government would like to think that a child is better off with both parents in their lives. This isn’t so, given that a relationship breaks down because of unreasonable behaviour. The existing system isn’t perfect and although the proposals might make things better for a very few – the vocal few that make the papers- it would certainly make things worse for far more.
I agree with your stance on the legal aid abuse – we were driven out of our family home, kept in limbo for 3 years, and charged (at least) £2,500 in legal fees for defending a case that even his solicitor walked out on.
Tricia is balmy isnt it! Setting up the criteria and trained personnel would be astronomic to enforce this and now that legal aid has been abolished for the majority it really will be nightmare!