*Advertorial Feature With Johnson’s Baby*
Self-care is something that is wafted around like a new key word.
However, the use of the phrase self-care has put me off with the Instagram fodder of wine glasses and luxuriously exposed bathtubs and over the excessive grandeur of it all.
However, I do genuinely believe in self-care as a process.
If you have been round this neck of the internet for a while you may well know that I am a domestic violence survivor.
Not once but twice I have faced, physical, emotional and mental abuse. The first time around 18 years ago and the second time around 11 years ago. Both were deep traumatic times. The first-time round I was a brand-new mum too. With emotions all over I had been so badly affected I was convinced I was better off dead.
After living in a women’s aid refuge which I have written about previously HERE. I managed to access some lifesaving counselling and was able to put myself precariously back together.
Around 7 years later I faced domestic violence for a second time. After meeting someone online and falling in love I was mentally abused for months and months before the physical violence started. On the final night that ended this dangerous relationship I thought it was my last night. He managed to put me in hospital after a physical beating and it took months to physically repair what was damaged on the outside.
However, for me the damage that was the worst was the internal stuff in my head. I berated myself for being in this place for a second time. I didn’t allow myself the time to grieve for that area of my life that was to never be. I didn’t accept I was worthy enough to have deserved more.
Counselling for me was a godsend. It allowed me to talk through in a safe space and process what had happened and how it wasn’t my fault.
Years down the line and thankfully a happy relationship later there are so many of the elements of my counselling session days that I still use on a day to day basis.
For me I know I am a fairly manic person and continually remain busy. I like to be busy, but I also know that there is a level of burnout I hit sometimes that effects my sleep, moods and ability to function. Normally I can spot this level and so I tend to introduce certain things to combat this.
After several busy weeks I know that stepping away from the computer and social media is a must. Living my life online is all well and good but it’s 24/7 and it’s exhausting. Several times a month I delete my apps from my phone for a few days and this allows me to breathe a little.
I know sleep plays a massive part of my mental health. I am notoriously bad at being too busy so for me my own self-care involves sleep, good quality sleep.
At the most recent Johnson’s Baby Ambassador event with my influencer chums I was caught off guard with the theme of the day.
If I am honest to start with, I was feeling kind of blasé about delving into self-care. I emotionally wasn’t ready for it and it made me want to cry. However, after listening to some of the interaction around the room and from the amazing speakers we had on the day I am so pleased I didn’t put up my shutters. I am glad I took that steadying breath and continued to listen.
My past has led me through a journey within myself. But what I realised in the last Johnson’s Baby Ambassador meeting is that so many people around me have never started their own journeys. So many people feel that filling their own cup and investing in self nourishment are selfish things to do. When in fact they are massively important to keep your own sanity for the lack of right words. Also, if you’re not powering on full cylinders it is bound to make parenting positively more difficult.
What I did find really interesting is that when discussing methods, we can use for self-care it was mentioned that we don’t actually teach our children self-care. And it’s totally right, or it is for me anyway.
Kids nowadays are under more pressures than ever before. With technology at their fingertips and them being brought up into such fast-paced lifestyles it’s our job to show them techniques to learn to manage their own needs. Something I hadn’t really thought about previously.
I know Joshua this year has been struggling with time pressures with an overload of after school activities. For a while we kept pushing as we didn’t want him to wish he hadn’t stopped doing things later down the line. However, we decided to allow him to decide how to use his time after school and gave him the space to think about it and then make the decision. Did we do the right thing, allowing him to choose giving up on Beavers, yes, yes I think we did.
For Joshua his needs massively involve fresh air and physical activity. We know that physical activity helps to focus and rebalance him. He is calmer for it and I think he sleeps better for it too. On days where he is not due to have a formal physical activity session Ollie takes him on his bike around the village to get him outside and busy.
This summer we have also encouraged him to use his brain and switch off from tablets and gaming consoles. We bought him a boxset of books instead and removed electronics for certain parts of the day and he got into reading quietly in his room in a really positive way.
I loved Suzy Readings discussion in our last Johnson’s Baby Ambassador meeting about what true self-care really means and we have taken to looking at the kids and specially Joshua for this.
He has been having so many emotional breakdowns over the last year. I loved her thoughts on why being protective and kind to yourself is important. For Joshua we have been so fixated on helping him grow to be compassionate about others that we haven’t really given him tools to give himself compassion and be proactive of his own feelings.
We are going to use bath time to talk more with Joshua about his feelings. In the calm of the bath water and the busyness of the day long behind us adding in a proactive measure at bath time with the soothing scent of the Johnson’s Kids Bubble Bath & Wash.
For me the key aspect about self-care really is about being honest about what you really need. Whether it’s more sleep, fresh air, physical exercise or even just some time with some friends. Everyone is very different but what I totally loved hearing at the event was that it’s not just about big gestures. Even small things such as taking the time to breath in a quiet room can be a great mood booster and a great element to self-care if you are listening to your own body and needs.
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