Why I Have Been Feeling Under The Weather & It’s Nothing To Do With COVID

Hi there regular reader. 

This month this wonderful blog space has been my sanity for over 9 years.

It has been my space to share and celebrate all that our life brings for each of us and as a family.

However, COVID hit and I have to be honest. The thought of this online space made me feel rather angry and scared.

I was watching people relishing being online and finding a new way of being and I was resenting it wholeheartedly.

The whole of this pandemic has made me not only feel tired and angry but its made me feel totally under the weather with everything. I lost interest in watching people online telling everyone how perfectly they were home schooling. Or those that ‘Hinched’ everything in their four walls .. my journey on here has always been about honesty and I have to say to be brutally honest … I had the most awful time.

I have suffered with depression in the past and I felt under a cloud of it over the last 2 years as my nail and beauty business shut, reopened, shut, might reopen, but didnt reopen, and then reopened again. 

I missed people terribly and missed faces and smiles and even hugs .. yes, i am a hugger.

Most of all I couldn’t stand the fakery of life online that some shared.

I retreated by avoiding my online space.

Over the last few months I have been reassessing my work life and home life and at the ripe old age of 42 I have decided that I am going to take back control. 

I am no longer going to be beholden to nail and beauty clients cancelling at the last minute and I am going to keep some of my favourite regular ladies who I absolutely adore to spend time with. But I am now going to search out an ’employed’ job role to run along side it so ensure that I at least can feed the kids and keep the lights on.

During the Pandemic I spent around 9 months out of the first 12 months with no gainful employment and after costs of opening and closing each time it really meant finaiacailly we suffered. This time I am going to make sure I can continue with a stable income from one while the other role continues to plod but without pressure.

I also considered removing my blog and all my social channels in this big midlife switch up.

Thankfully I had a change of heart. I loved my blog before and I have no doubt now I can love it again. What I won’t love nor will I follow others or tolerate it is fake online people, account or hashtags.

Numbers do not matter to me anymore. Just this personal online space that offers a real life family with the highs and lows of finding a new normal.

If you too struggled over this last month, just know I am sending a virtual hug and you are welcome to reach out anytime to me. 

Heres to the new normal and finding our own reality.