The phrase too posh to push is regularly banded about when people talk about c-sections and being pregnant with my 3rd child and now having a baby bump I am now hearing more and more
Folks say “oh well at least you will know when you’re having baby” like its some kind of consolation that I won’t be birthing my baby as I should.
After reading an article on the Huffington Post recently about The Secret Birth Shaming Of Mothers it seems I was not alone in picking up on this when I had my first section 15 years ago.
I spent many years after the birth of my first child feeling like I had failed as a women and as a Mum, after 2 days in slow labour followed by 17 hours in labour resulted in a distressed baby and reduced vital signs … and a subsequent emergency section.
For the duration of the pregnancy I had known what I wanted, had written my birthing plan and was set on what would or wouldn’t happen …. The emotional distress the emergency section caused ran deep and the guilt of bringing my daughter into the world by medical intervention really hurt me.
Fast forward to pregnancy number two a whole 10 years later, surrounded with stress throughout and complications there was no doubt that an elective section was the only option on the cards for me and although I spent a long time feeling like once again I was not going to have a real birthing experience.
Yet my elective section was the most wonderful experience, I was able to have skin to skin immediately and even breastfed within minutes of being taken into recovery, at no point did I feel I had not birthed my baby properly, nor did I feel my birth experience was a shame in any way ….
I endured months of post surgery pain and I would not have had it any other way.
Well with this third pregnancy all I can hope for is that my elective section is just as special as the last one and I for one will not be feeling guilty in any way about the way my baby is birthed … and for those that think sections are easy … You have obviously never had any, major abdominal surgery as it is never an ‘easy’ or ‘convenient’ way of birthing, for me my previous 2 sections led me to have to have further abdominal surgery years after and have even had pain and numbness from my scar for the last 15 years.
No Mother should ever be made to feel that medical intervention in labour is less than birthing their child ‘naturally’ as Mum’s we naturally always question ourselves, why would we make another Mum feel less of a Mum through choices that were made in a delivery room above and beyond their control.
I know my daughter felt she “missed out” with so much with Fifi. Born ten weeks early by section less than 30 mins after her waters broke or we lost bot of the, Did not get too fat to tie her laces ( her expression not mine) or to see her feet, did not experience anything naturally at all, which for her not only left her with scarring but PND as well.
The only consolation this time round has ( section No3) is that it is going to be easier to manage child care and time off for her hubby but I am sure she would rather have the element of surprise and juggle things about like the rest of us did.
This is a brilliant post, and so important. I’m sure many women feel/felt similar to you.
I do worry that if/when I have a child, if I can’t have a vaginal birth I would beat myself up forever for it, but this post has really made me see that it’s about what is best for baby & Mum, not what society says is the ideal.
Good luck with your birth! Hope all goes smoothly.
I feel the same as you, despite having had three vaginal births. My first was an emergency section, much the same reasons as yours. I was in hospital for 10 days afterwards and then went on to suffer terrible PND. I was determined that my next birth would be a VBAC despite her being breach. She did turn at the last minute though and i got my wish. My next section was 22 years later, my last baby born when I was considered a ‘geriatric’ mother (yes the drs use that term if you’re over 40) not only did I have a fibroid partially covering my cervix, he was also breach. Hence I had an elective section, which was a lovely experience, so much nicer than the emergency one. However, recovery was slow and I still suffer pain from the internal scars. Sections are most certainly not the easy option, and I’m definitely not ‘to posh to push!’ Good luck Jaime, enjoy your experience and I really hope you heal well afterwards xx
It really doesn’t matter how the baby gets here as long as it arrives safely!
Wishing you the best of luck and I hope everything goes well x
Have to agree I hate the term ‘Too posh to push’
A cesarean doesn’t make you any less of a mother…if anything the recovery after is so much more difficult than if you had a non complicated vaginal birth!
I’ve never had a section but from having major abdominal surgery to take out my appendix I’m with you all the way on it not being the easy option – it’s the recovery time and trying to care for a newborn that must be seriously challenging!!
its certainly interesting trying to look after baby and still be in mega pain from surgery… it the only part that makes me still wince 11 weeks on! .. eek to having your appendix out though! i dont do pain in anyway!